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Girl: Look at the boobs on that bartender. They're enormous! My boobs aren't big enough.
Boy: Your boobs are perfect. I wouldn't change a thing about you.
Girl: You're only saying that because I blow you at least once every single day.
Boy: I'll admit, it doesn't hurt.
One of my favorite parts of my job as a barmaid is overhearing snippets of conversation that people think nobody else can hear. But often, they're downright shouting - and although I may be in large part invisible unless you're thirsty and your glass is empty, I do hear what you say. I occasionally submit something I've overheard in the Bar to Overheard in New York, but usually I don't bother - some of it, nobody would believe! But I almost always jot them down if I have the time.
So here I present some of the random conversation snippets I've overheard in the last few months from people I didn't know and have been idling in my notebook. Despite my inability to write clever, snide "headlines" for each one like the people at Overheard in New York do, I hope you enjoy them. (Feel free to write your own headlines for them, though.)
Dude #1: Swear to God, dude, she's looking at you.
Dude #2: Which eye? It's so creepy, they're not pointed in the same direction. One's pointed at me, but the other is pointed over there, at some chick.
Dude #1: Maybe her eyes are bisexual.
Dude #2: That's so hot.
Girl #1: Can you believe the nerve of that bouncer? Where does he get off telling me the photo on my license doesn't look like me?
Girl #2: Wait, isn't it your dead cousin's license?
Girl #1: Yeah, but it's the principle of the thing!
Woman #1: This cosmo tastes like crap.
Woman #2: That's not a cosmo, it's a martini.
Woman #1: What the fuck? I ordered a cosmo!
Woman #2: No, you ordered a martini.
Woman #1: Are you sure? I didn't think I was that drunk.
Woman #2: Pretty sure.
Woman #1: Wait, who are you?
Dude: Can I call you sometime?
Chick: Why?
Dude: Uh - so we can go out.
Chick: We're out now.
Dude: No, I mean like on a date.
Chick: Oh! Then no, you can't.
Dude #1: We should come back, like, every night until we've tried all the different beers they have.
Dude #2: How many are there?
Dude #1 [counting]: A metric fuckload.
Dude: Let's go somewhere a little more quiet and, y'know, talk.
Chick: No, thanks.
Dude: Why not?
Chick: I don't want to sleep with you.
Dude: Who said anything about - okay, why not?
Chick: I just don't find you attractive, is all.
Dude: What? Not even a little?
Chick: Come on, I don't want to get into it like that...
Dude: No, I want to know, am I completely hideous to you?
Chick: Well, let me put it this way. If it had been a year since the last time I had sex, then I accidentally swallowed a gallon of Spanish Fly, everybody else had turned me down, and you were the last guy I ran into on my way out of the bar to go home, I'd still stop off at Ricky's to buy a vibrator.
If you enjoyed these, I'll post more in the future.
By the way, belated thanks to two people who sent me birthday gifts off my Amazon wish list - Nancy, who sent me José González's "Crosses," and whichever Barmaid Blog reader sent me Harry Chapin's "Sniper and Other Love Songs." The packing slip on the latter got kind of munged up in transit, I'm afraid - but thank you nonetheless. I'm enjoying both CDs very much.
Boy: Your boobs are perfect. I wouldn't change a thing about you.
Girl: You're only saying that because I blow you at least once every single day.
Boy: I'll admit, it doesn't hurt.
One of my favorite parts of my job as a barmaid is overhearing snippets of conversation that people think nobody else can hear. But often, they're downright shouting - and although I may be in large part invisible unless you're thirsty and your glass is empty, I do hear what you say. I occasionally submit something I've overheard in the Bar to Overheard in New York, but usually I don't bother - some of it, nobody would believe! But I almost always jot them down if I have the time.
So here I present some of the random conversation snippets I've overheard in the last few months from people I didn't know and have been idling in my notebook. Despite my inability to write clever, snide "headlines" for each one like the people at Overheard in New York do, I hope you enjoy them. (Feel free to write your own headlines for them, though.)
Dude #1: Swear to God, dude, she's looking at you.
Dude #2: Which eye? It's so creepy, they're not pointed in the same direction. One's pointed at me, but the other is pointed over there, at some chick.
Dude #1: Maybe her eyes are bisexual.
Dude #2: That's so hot.
Girl #1: Can you believe the nerve of that bouncer? Where does he get off telling me the photo on my license doesn't look like me?
Girl #2: Wait, isn't it your dead cousin's license?
Girl #1: Yeah, but it's the principle of the thing!
Woman #1: This cosmo tastes like crap.
Woman #2: That's not a cosmo, it's a martini.
Woman #1: What the fuck? I ordered a cosmo!
Woman #2: No, you ordered a martini.
Woman #1: Are you sure? I didn't think I was that drunk.
Woman #2: Pretty sure.
Woman #1: Wait, who are you?
Dude: Can I call you sometime?
Chick: Why?
Dude: Uh - so we can go out.
Chick: We're out now.
Dude: No, I mean like on a date.
Chick: Oh! Then no, you can't.
Dude #1: We should come back, like, every night until we've tried all the different beers they have.
Dude #2: How many are there?
Dude #1 [counting]: A metric fuckload.
Dude: Let's go somewhere a little more quiet and, y'know, talk.
Chick: No, thanks.
Dude: Why not?
Chick: I don't want to sleep with you.
Dude: Who said anything about - okay, why not?
Chick: I just don't find you attractive, is all.
Dude: What? Not even a little?
Chick: Come on, I don't want to get into it like that...
Dude: No, I want to know, am I completely hideous to you?
Chick: Well, let me put it this way. If it had been a year since the last time I had sex, then I accidentally swallowed a gallon of Spanish Fly, everybody else had turned me down, and you were the last guy I ran into on my way out of the bar to go home, I'd still stop off at Ricky's to buy a vibrator.
If you enjoyed these, I'll post more in the future.
By the way, belated thanks to two people who sent me birthday gifts off my Amazon wish list - Nancy, who sent me José González's "Crosses," and whichever Barmaid Blog reader sent me Harry Chapin's "Sniper and Other Love Songs." The packing slip on the latter got kind of munged up in transit, I'm afraid - but thank you nonetheless.
I'm enjoying both CDs very much.And the line at the East Village Ben & Jerry's was ridiculous this evening! But, yum.
amused
Does your bar serve Innis & Gunn? I have discovered it, but don't know how generally popular it is on average. Can I expect to find it most of the time, or is it a specialty beer?
especially the last one and the convo between the two women about the cosmo/martini
cracks me up!
:o)
cheers,
Phil
Okay, so I was in New York until today (since last Wednesday), and I thought of you and your blog every time I walked past a bar... Man, I wish I'd known about the Ben and Jerry's!
And for the record, some of us in bars who say things like that don't think people aren't listening - we're actually trying to draw some attention and entertain.
especially the first. hahah.
Especially that dead cousin thing...
or should I say...i feel your pain.
Will we ever here more about Gary?
YES !
more, more, more!
If thats some of the stuff you hear, Id say you are damned lucky not to see it in action!
I shall have to remember this line and use it as often as I can. :)
Keep 'em coming.
Chick: Why?
Dude: Uh - so we can go out.
Chick: We're out now.
Dude: No, I mean like on a date.
Chick: Oh! Then no, you can't.
Brilliant!!!