![[info]](http://p-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
Friday evening, for the first time since January, I see Bonnie. I don't see her at the Bar in her old Coors gear, or run into her on the subway; I see her on the side of a bus stop shelter in midtown. She's gazing at me seductively from a fashion advertisement, and it absolutely stops me in my tracks. I'm grateful that Jenny isn't with me, because although she knows about Bonnie, I don't know if she'd understand my need to stop and stare. Before I can convince my feet to move again, I start to remember what it was like for someone to have that much control over me just by looking at me or saying my name. Obsession isn't love, but being owned so completely can be just as overwhelming.
Eventually I peel myself from my spot on the sidewalk and finish my trip to the Bar, making a mental note to avoid that corner for a while.
As I walk in, I see Tony and Carl sitting at the far end of the bar, and they both get up to give me a hug. I'm running a little late, so I promise them we'll catch up shortly, and I run to the back room to drop off my bag. After I've checked in with Jocelyn and Maya, I check in on the boys with a bottle of Cabernet Sauvignon in my hand.
"How's your girlfriend, girlfriend?" Carl grins.
"She's good, thanks. Working hard, as always. And she asked me to move in with her."
"Holy cow," says Tony. "That's huge! Are you gonna do it?"
I smile. "I don't know, to be honest. It's fast, and her asking was sudden. I've got a couple of months to decide before I have to renew my lease with my roommates, so I'm not thinking about it much right now. But it sure would be convenient - I haven't taken the subway this much since I was a grunt at a publishing house."
"You don't move in with someone because it's convenient, Debra," Tony lectures.
Carl snorts at his boyfriend. "Who do you think you're kidding? This is New York, my friend. You moved in with me because I had a balcony and a wide-screen TV!"
"Don't you believe him, Debra," Tony wags his finger, "I moved in with him because he cooked the best risotto I've ever tasted." I laugh, and leave them in order to serve some other customers.
"Where's Mario tonight?" I ask Jocelyn a little while later. He isn't always there when she's working, but it's unusual for him to miss a Friday night.
"Oh, he's away for the weekend with Angelo. They went to Atlantic City, I think."
"You didn't want to go with them?"
"Nah, I'm not much for gambling. Besides, it's good for them to have a boys' weekend every now and then."
"So what are you doing Sunday?"
She shrugs. "I don't know, what am I doing Sunday?"
"Come over to my place, the girls and I are doing our traditional bagel brunch and watching the Yankees-Mariners game, and Jenny will be there. I'd love for you to get to know her."
She bounces a little (which makes her enormous breasts bounce a lot), and says, "Hey, that'd be great!"
At a little after ten o'clock, Susan and Grace, the current Coors promo girls assigned to work the Bar, enter and start making their way through our customers. As far as I know, Grace doesn't know anything about the woman she replaced or why she left; she just happened to be next. Susan on the other hand stops by the bar to say hi, and gives my hand a squeeze.
"Have you seen her ad?" I ask, and she nods. "I don't think I was prepared for it," I add.
Susan shakes her head. "Nobody has ever been prepared for anything about Bonnie," she says, and turns to dive back into the morass. For the first time, I wonder if Bonnie seduced her, too, or if she's talking about something else entirely, and then I decide it doesn't really matter. The very next thought in my head is to try to remember who actually paid for the enormous leather sectional couch in my apartment, and whether my roommates Cassie and Jill will want to keep it when I leave.
When I leave. I've already started to make up my mind, haven't I? I think to myself. And for a moment - just a moment - I bounce a little, too.
Eventually I peel myself from my spot on the sidewalk and finish my trip to the Bar, making a mental note to avoid that corner for a while.
As I walk in, I see Tony and Carl sitting at the far end of the bar, and they both get up to give me a hug. I'm running a little late, so I promise them we'll catch up shortly, and I run to the back room to drop off my bag. After I've checked in with Jocelyn and Maya, I check in on the boys with a bottle of Cabernet Sauvignon in my hand.
"How's your girlfriend, girlfriend?" Carl grins.
"She's good, thanks. Working hard, as always. And she asked me to move in with her."
"Holy cow," says Tony. "That's huge! Are you gonna do it?"
I smile. "I don't know, to be honest. It's fast, and her asking was sudden. I've got a couple of months to decide before I have to renew my lease with my roommates, so I'm not thinking about it much right now. But it sure would be convenient - I haven't taken the subway this much since I was a grunt at a publishing house."
"You don't move in with someone because it's convenient, Debra," Tony lectures.
Carl snorts at his boyfriend. "Who do you think you're kidding? This is New York, my friend. You moved in with me because I had a balcony and a wide-screen TV!"
"Don't you believe him, Debra," Tony wags his finger, "I moved in with him because he cooked the best risotto I've ever tasted." I laugh, and leave them in order to serve some other customers.
"Where's Mario tonight?" I ask Jocelyn a little while later. He isn't always there when she's working, but it's unusual for him to miss a Friday night.
"Oh, he's away for the weekend with Angelo. They went to Atlantic City, I think."
"You didn't want to go with them?"
"Nah, I'm not much for gambling. Besides, it's good for them to have a boys' weekend every now and then."
"So what are you doing Sunday?"
She shrugs. "I don't know, what am I doing Sunday?"
"Come over to my place, the girls and I are doing our traditional bagel brunch and watching the Yankees-Mariners game, and Jenny will be there. I'd love for you to get to know her."
She bounces a little (which makes her enormous breasts bounce a lot), and says, "Hey, that'd be great!"
At a little after ten o'clock, Susan and Grace, the current Coors promo girls assigned to work the Bar, enter and start making their way through our customers. As far as I know, Grace doesn't know anything about the woman she replaced or why she left; she just happened to be next. Susan on the other hand stops by the bar to say hi, and gives my hand a squeeze.
"Have you seen her ad?" I ask, and she nods. "I don't think I was prepared for it," I add.
Susan shakes her head. "Nobody has ever been prepared for anything about Bonnie," she says, and turns to dive back into the morass. For the first time, I wonder if Bonnie seduced her, too, or if she's talking about something else entirely, and then I decide it doesn't really matter. The very next thought in my head is to try to remember who actually paid for the enormous leather sectional couch in my apartment, and whether my roommates Cassie and Jill will want to keep it when I leave.
When I leave. I've already started to make up my mind, haven't I? I think to myself. And for a moment - just a moment - I bounce a little, too.
(Many thanks to Bridget E. Wilde of Bewildered Art for permission to use her Barmaid Fox drawing as a userpic.)
excited
and i understand about bonnie. there are some exs that you thought you loved but damn you just realize you were obsessed and they knew it too.
*hugs*
loving the new icon :)
Best!
The best decisions I've made were noted like afterthoughts. I just sort of realize I already know the answer even though the question itself isn't at the front of my mind. Over thinking and rationalizing tends to get in the way of decisions like this for me and I just end up spinning my wheels until I get stuck with the default option.
Good for you.
You are officially quoted on my facebook.
I can completely related to that, its ridiculous.
charming
Yours was something I could not put down, I kept wanting to hear more. Till I hit the end and realised it had the days date at the top. It's hard to believe that you've handled things so well, despite all the horrible comments. All these people living vicariously through you and not being able to let go and leave you be. You don't need to change.
You're amazing how you are.
Thank you.
Completely unrelated but...
http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/2008/ba
Re: Completely unrelated but...
So I might have just read your entire blog over the course of this week.
Just wanted to let you know how fantastic your writing (and your life) is.
Thanks for providing a truly entertaining distraction from studying!
Just found your blog
I just found your blog, and of course had to go all the way back to the beginning and read the entire thing.
I LOVE IT!
Keep up the good writing, and keep posting to the blog!
Lonestar Gal
http://newlonestargal.blogspot.com/
a new fan