barmaidblog (barmaidblog) wrote,
2008-11-08 15:22:00
  • Location: Comfy Couch
  • Mood: dispirited
  • Music: Reid Genauer, "Tavern Walker"

The Jewish Question (Part II)

Wednesday night there's a surreal, almost buoyant atmosphere at The Bar. Yvonne and I are slinging drinks at a good clip, and people are in a celebratory mood. But it seems as if every time I turn around, I hear another customer say something like, "I'm still not sure I believe it," or "I keep expecting to wake up and discover I dreamed it!"

They're speaking, of course, of Barack Obama winning yesterday's election as President of the United States, a fairly decisive victory as these things go, at least compared to the last couple of elections. New York went for Obama 62% to 37%, so I suppose you could say we're a pretty blue state - and most people in New York City, especially, are pretty happy with the results.

A guy wearing a "Yes We Can" t-shirt and drinking Sam Adams flags me down. "Excuse me, miss - is there such a drink as an Obama? Has anyone invented one yet?"

I laugh. "Not that I know of, though I'm sure someone's done it. Actually, now that I think of it, I remember hearing about an 'Obamartini' that someone whipped up somewhere, but I have no idea what was in it."

"Well, if I ordered an Obama, and just trusted you to mix something good, what would you put in it?"

"Seriously?" He nods and grins widely, putting his fate in my hands. "Let me think about it for a minute."

Yvonne passes behind me carrying a couple of glasses of white wine, and when she comes back my way, I stop her. "What would you put in a drink called an Obama?"

Without blinking, she says, "I don't know, but I'd probably start with a Blue Hawaii," and then keeps moving.

Of course, I think, and I grab a hurricane glass, then mix a Blue Hawaii over ice... rum, vodka, Curaçao, pineapple juice, and sour mix. I'm reaching for the orange slice and maraschino cherry, when I have an idea. I fill a pint glass with Coke from the fountain, then I hold a spoon over the Blue Hawaii and pour a little Coke onto the top. It doesn't layer terribly well - it mixes in more than a little - but despite the bright blue it's mixing with, it has the desired effect, adding a slightly chocolaty color to the top of the drink. Then, I finally add the orange and cherry.

"Here you go, my friend - I'm a little bit ashamed of myself, but this is my best shot at a drink named 'Obama' - a Brown Hawaii." Yes We Can laughs, then tells his friends, and suddenly I'm making Brown Hawaiis for the whole group. Once they taste their drinks, I get the sense they're not biggest fans of fruity cocktails, but they get into the spirit anyway.

Around midnight, I'm getting ready to cash out and leave Yvonne in charge, and Vince is washing glasses right behind me, when Yvonne taps me on the shoulder. "It just now occurred to me, you probably could have done a variation on the Bahama Mama, too - the Obama Mama. Maybe just use dark rum instead of light?"

"Sure, let's keep that in mind for Inauguration," I say, trying to count my tips in front of Yvonne and Vince without, y'know, counting my tips in front of Yvonne and Vince.

"Hey, you know who I feel bad for?" Yvonne says. "The second African-American president. Especially if Barack Obama is anywhere near as good as people seem to think he's going to be. How do you ever live up to that?"

We think about that for a moment, then Vince says, "I don't know, I think Michelle's probably up to the task." We laugh, and I head for the door.

When I get home around 12:30 in the morning, the living room lights are on, and Puppy is lying on the floor outside the closed bedroom door. He looks up at me expectantly and whines a little. Before I can open the door, I hear crying. I take a deep breath, and go on in. Jenny is lying on the bed sobbing, with used tissues all over the floor. I sit down next to her, run my hand along her arm, and say, "Baby, what's the matter?" She sits up and grabs me, and sobs harder, so I squeeze and hold her tight.

After a couple of minutes, she finally calms down enough to speak. "Prop 8 passed," she says, and immediately starts weeping again. Prop 8 - California's ballot referendum to make same-sex marriage illegal again, reversing their state supreme court's decision of earlier this year - was too close to call last night during live election returns, so the results must have come in tonight.

I'm speechless. I'm upset, I'm offended, and I'm angry, but I'm not moved to tears, and my next thought is to wonder if Jenny will take it personally that I'm not. I take another deep breath, and think about what it really means to love someone. I can't ever know what it's like to be inside her head, or inside her heart, so I can't really understand what she feels anymore than she understands what I feel. I'm simply left to wonder.

So instead, I try to stop wondering, and I focus on just holding her instead.

Tags: bahama mama, bar, barack obama, blue hawaii, brown hawaii, california, coke, curaçao, jenny, marriage, new york city, proposition 8, puppy, rum, sam adams, sour mix, vince, vodka
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lostin_thestars

November 8 2008, 20:29:06 UTC 4 years ago

As one of the ones who voted no on 8, I apologize for the other part of my state. We're working to repeal it as I type.

eswiss

November 8 2008, 20:38:33 UTC 4 years ago

It's hard, not knowing exactly where someone you love is coming from, especially when she's that upset. But, given your reaction, I think you two are better at dealing than most.

karebear1818

November 8 2008, 20:39:26 UTC 4 years ago

I too voted no on h8. I'm here in the suburbs of Philly (I voted absentee) and even the people out here - Dems and Republicans alike - are all outraged.

The legal processes will take some time but in the mean time they're working to take the Church of LDS's nonprofit status away/get them in trouble for tax evasion for identifying as a non-profit and then discriminating.

Don't worry Jenny and Deborah - we may have lost this battle but we WILL win the war.

Anonymous

November 8 2008, 23:12:29 UTC 4 years ago

Most mormons are generally nice people and tolerant people. And trust me, mormons do not make up over 50% of california. There's a lot of other people who voted for prop 8.

I think the media just wants you to blame mormons, but do you really think mormons have that much influence?

disco_trash

4 years ago

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raistlinbrown

4 years ago

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disco_trash

November 8 2008, 21:04:12 UTC 4 years ago Edited:  November 8 2008, 21:04:51 UTC

there are so many reasons you probably arent as upset. maybe the idea of marrying anyone hasnt crossed your mind yet. or maybe its because you don't live in california and haven't had that right given to you and then taken away. and then (and please Debra, understand I'm bisexual too and I am not trying to offend you AT ALL) because you have loved men or love men sometimes, you still would have a chance at love and marriage if that right is never granted. (again i respect you a great deal and hope my candor doesn't offend you.)

As a bisexual woman in California, who is currently living with and maybe someday going to marry this man I have, I am still outraged and sickened and protesting and donating and crying and also abstaining from marrying someone who I love and who loves me. We wake up together daily and are so happy to have found each other and we know that with an impulsive little trip to city hall he could be my husband.

But I WON'T do it until everyone else in at least my state has that right.

I know. I'm a big liberal tree hugging weirdo but I can't be part of anything that discriminates my friends and neighbors.

again, hope i didn't offend you, I've been emotional since this happened.

deedeebythebay

November 8 2008, 21:07:31 UTC 4 years ago

I'm another Californian, angry and frustrated. Did I do all I could? Should I have done more? What more could I have done against the tide?

But will I keep fighting? Damn straight I will. We are a polyamorous triad and I know we will never in our lifetimes probably see acceptance for our relationship. But if something were to happen to my husband, my girlfriend and I would (she is also partnered with him) would want to be able to marry and continue on as legal partners.

For us, for all of the dyads out there, for every human and their rights, for my daughter who will most likely one day want to grow up and marry her own girlfriend, we'll keep continue fighting.

Tell her gently to wipe away her tears, we won't let it stand.

ks_claw

November 8 2008, 21:26:50 UTC 4 years ago

*hugs* Being non-american, I can say I'm glad Obama won because he sounded that good, and I'm sorry Prop-8 passed. I hope there'll be done something about it.

boyastridgirl

November 8 2008, 21:54:14 UTC 4 years ago

Believe me, I get it. I didn't get weepy or sob at the loss on Prop 8. Not because I don't feel for the thousands of couples (one that I know personally and consider good acquaintances) who in one fell swoop lost the right to say this is my lawful wedded spouse. Which we're still unclear on because they people who put together the proposition didn't bother to write it so that they invalidated any marriages that had already taken place, just the ones that might so we're still in the air about this.

However, the pain is there. The hurt is there, not because I may at some point want to marry a woman (being bi, it's a possibility) but because as a human being who doesn't fall into the usual orientation system, I'm being told that the love I may feel for someone in the future is worth less than if I were to settle down with a man. My heart knows that it can love either/or equally and fully and it makes me wonder where these people think that the only one that should be recognized is the one with a partner whose biological gender is different from mine.

I pray for the people who backed 8, because they need all the prayer in the world to see past their blindfolds at the world as it stands, and so that their hearts realize how they have wronged us, and those who love us.

ladykalessia

November 8 2008, 22:15:32 UTC 4 years ago

If you think it was bad there, you should've seen people in the Castro. As Lee Press-on said, "Now I feel like the whole nation is having a big civil rights party that California wasn't invited to."

There are protests, and rallies, counter-petitions, lawsuits, grassroots movements to tear down the legal benefits to "married" people so we can then reassign them to Civil Unions (and make all previous "marriages" into Civil Unions), attempts to make the Mormon Church forfeit it's 501(whatever) status, and most troubling, massive retaliation against Mormon churches and gathering places.

Historic times we live in. I'm writing a big post to send in via Change.gov.

felix950

November 8 2008, 22:29:30 UTC 4 years ago

When Wednesday rolled around, and votes were counted, I was proud to be an American and embarrassed/ashamed to be a Californian.

(Maybe after they tally those 1.6 million uncounted ballots in CA, something will change)

raistlinbrown

November 9 2008, 18:19:30 UTC 4 years ago

Unfortunately, the 1.6 million will need to skew at an unrealistic margin to make the difference. I'm hoping the lawsuits get some traction.

etfb

November 8 2008, 22:52:13 UTC 4 years ago

I'm a long way away from being affected by Prop 8 (I'm male, heterosexual, married and Australian) but it still annoys, alarms and worries me too. But, as I said in my own LJ, look on the bright side...

Anonymous

November 12 2008, 18:09:41 UTC 4 years ago

Some people are so amazingly self-righteous, I really wonder what's wrong with them. Calling someone a bigot just because they disagree with you sounds, well, pretty bigoted.

It has obviously never occurred to you (and most of the other respondents here) that someone might vote for Prop 8 not because they are a bigot but rather because they have a traditional concept of marriage, and because they believe (rightly or wrongly) that allowing gay marriage would inevitably lead to pro-gay sex ed in elementary school, for instance. They may be right, they may be wrong, but those are legitimate judgments that people may make that are not the product of a bigoted heart or mind. They may be wrong, they may be misguided, but they still deserve respect. Everyone deserves respect, gay or straight, pro- or anti-Prop 8. Is that too much to ask?

I say this as someone who favors the legalization of gay marriage.

If you want religious conservatives to be more tolerant of gays, you might try being a bit more tolerant of them. Set an example, you might be surprised when they follow.

etfb

4 years ago

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Anonymous

4 years ago

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etfb

4 years ago

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Anonymous

4 years ago

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etfb

4 years ago

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Anonymous

4 years ago

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taryns_mom

4 years ago

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Anonymous

4 years ago

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Anonymous

4 years ago

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Anonymous

4 years ago

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iatesomefuz

4 years ago

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Anonymous

4 years ago

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sierranichole

November 8 2008, 22:57:40 UTC 4 years ago

I'm so sorry for both you and your girlfriend. I know several people that the prop affects. And, to an extent, I'm in your situation as well. I'm hoping that someday, they realize that saying same-sex couples can't be married with be the same as telling women they couldn't vote or telling African-Americans they can't be in office. Both of those changed. It's only a matter of time for this to change, as well. :)

kristanel

November 9 2008, 00:58:43 UTC 4 years ago

It almost seems silly for me to write since 1) you've already heard so many supportive things from all of these great people and 2) I'm a heterosexual married female living in south Georgia, but I do want to throw some more support your way for two reasons.

One, I'm so unhappy with the current state of our country. It's hard to think that other people feel the need to regulate what others do with their personal lives. It angers me that not everyone can go marry the person they love most in the world simply because others don't agree with it. I guess I've always felt like "You do you, and I'll do me, and as long as we don't hurt each other, then who cares?"

Second, the position of not knowing what there is to say/do/think/feel when you're partner needs you to do the right thing in that moment just plain sucks. I think you did the right thing by simply holding her. That's what we all need at some point or another.

Anonymous

November 10 2008, 22:20:43 UTC 4 years ago

I agree

But people are trying to tell us when we can pray, what kinds of fats to eat, whether or not we can smoke, how much energy we can use, how we teach our children, etc.

There are many groups being opressed these days, gays and lesbians aren't the only ones.

kristanel

4 years ago

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Anonymous

November 9 2008, 02:44:17 UTC 4 years ago

My opinion for all it's worth

I'm so sorry that Prop 8 passed. My hubby and are your basic live and let live type of couple and it bothers me that small minded people have won this temporary battle. But in a way, considering the closemindedness of people, we aren't surprised...and I wonder if people like Jenny thought that one referendum would end people being against same sex marriage. No way...it's only one official battle. It will come in time, but it will take at least 10 rounds before it is done. And as far as your feelings, well, you are still kinda new to the whole thing and I doubt marriage is at the top of your mind yet so...your reaction makes sense. But in the end, yes it sucks, and I wish the best for those fighting the next battle.

Anonymous

November 9 2008, 03:24:36 UTC 4 years ago

Obama drink?

Hennessy and milk bitches!!!!!!!






Anonymous

November 9 2008, 05:23:18 UTC 4 years ago

Re: Obama drink?

My life is far less exciting than yours (or at least its wonderful literary portrayal as seen in this blog), but I think I do share a certain disconnect with the idea of marriage/adulthood. I just have a hard time picturing myself as married and settled. I'm in a happy relationship, and don't want it to go anywhere, but anything more than that feels foreign somehow.

As for Prop 8, I'm not gay, and they've never done me wrong in any way before, but I gotta say F* the damn Mormons.

Anyway, I second the idea of rum in any drink named the Obama.

Also, I'm wondering what kind of business you did on election night: is The Bar a place that people came to watch the returns coming in?

childunattended

November 9 2008, 06:06:45 UTC 4 years ago

I'm Canadian, and as such, could get married to someone of any gender I wanted, but I'm still unbelievably angry and bewildered that prop 8 passed. I just don't understand the reasoning behind denying couples the right to marry. On the bright side, I'm feeling hopeful that with Obama in office, with time, things will change. There are so many other nations that look to the US as a kind of leader - what message about human rights are you sending now?

cozmik_faerie

November 9 2008, 09:50:01 UTC 4 years ago

I was totally broken hearted when I heard Prop 8 had been passed. I haven't had a relationship with another girl for almost 5 years, but who can possibly try to take away a person's right to be happy?

I sat in bed crying because it made me wonder how long it would take for people to start saying the same across the world.

I cannot fathom how they are protecting the sanctity of marriage when people are getting divorced at a higher rate than ever. The sanctity of marriage went out the window years ago.

Anonymous

November 9 2008, 17:31:51 UTC 4 years ago

Prop 8 won't hold. There are a lot of us in the wedding industry that voted No on 8 and will continue to support our LGBT community.

raistlinbrown

November 9 2008, 18:15:23 UTC 4 years ago Edited:  November 11 2008, 00:51:59 UTC

Debra, Prop 8 only personally affects me in that it affects friends of mine, but I'm very upset about its passage. (I wrote about this a lot in my blog if you're interested in reading.) I could have done more, but I was fairly active beforehand in trying to defeat it. And now I've already been out on the streets twice protesting out here in LA. The sad fact is that no state has defeated a proposition like this when it's gone on the ballot, although some have managed to keep them off the ballot.

As others above say, I think that we have momentum on our side and will win this fight in the long run. If anything, I think this is something of a blessing in disguise, because this fight has galvanized people to push for justice. You should see the scope of protest this has stirred up; it's astounding, and frankly this reaction should have happened four years ago when so many states passed it. (I realize California is distinct in that this is the first state in which the measure overrides an existing legal decision, but America as a whole needs to get its act together.)

stirling_b

November 9 2008, 18:57:11 UTC 4 years ago

Proposition 8

I'm cross-posting from my own Live Journal:

I don't normally post much about politics as others often do it better but on other forums, I've been posting about an anomaly in the voter demographics that the vote appears to show.

To state my position first, I am a Canadian living in a country where gay marriage has been legal for several years. The sky has not fallen, the Earth continues to rotate on its axis. Some main-line protestant churches offer church marriages to gay parishioners.

In the voter demographics for proposition 8, Blacks voted heavily for it while Latinos voted for it with a smaller majority.

There is a corollary to all this. Given that the final vote was so close a large number of McCain Republicans (perhaps not a majority)would have had to have voted "no" on Proposition 8 for the numbers to work out as they did.

So it would appear that in California, at least, white Republican and Democrat voters are reaching a consensus on rationality.

Would any statistician here like to take a crack at these numbers?

raistlinbrown

November 11 2008, 00:57:18 UTC 4 years ago

Re: Proposition 8

You might think that would follow, but it doesn't.

http://www.cnn.com/ELECTION/2008/results/polls/#CAI01p1

The group of people who labeled themselves "conservative" in ideology were by far the greatest margin in exit polling in favor of the proposition by a margin of 85 to 15 percent. After that, you had "white Republican" skewing 82% to 18% in favor of the proposition and the more general label of "Republican" also voting for it by a margin of 82% to 18%.

stirling_b

4 years ago

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beeeej

4 years ago

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janusfiles

November 9 2008, 19:59:22 UTC 4 years ago

And what happens if it turns out that Obama's ambition has outstripped his experience and competence? (Which I strongly suspect it has.) It's going to be even more of an uphill battle for the next black candidate to run for President.

sierranichole

November 10 2008, 00:38:36 UTC 4 years ago

I think the fact that Americans have voted for Obama as president elect proves that maybe, just maybe, they're a little more open minded than to look and say "Look what the last black president did. I don't think we should vote that way again." Maybe, by some miracle, they'll look at credentials, ambitions, theories and plans instead of skin color. One can hope, anyway.

ceetar

4 years ago

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janusfiles

4 years ago

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ceetar

4 years ago

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letsgetlost89

November 10 2008, 00:16:26 UTC 4 years ago

Amendment 2, here in Florida, had the same effects as Prop-8 did in California... only it is so poorly worded that you can make it sound as though a divorcee is ineligible to re-marry. It's absolutely horrible. And it passed with 60-something percent here. It makes me so angry that people don't see how it affects those around them.

So, I'm very, very sorry that Prop-8 passed- and here I thought California wouldn't let me down. :/

Anonymous

November 10 2008, 06:14:51 UTC 4 years ago

Glad Prop 8 passed

Count me among those who are happy Prop 8 passed, and not because of it's subject matter. It shows our form of government works. Checks and balances. The Judicial branch of California overstepped what the people would support, the people voted, and the vote was heard loud and clear. More people are against gay marriage than are for it in California, in spite of the much louder minority. That folks is how our political system works. You can be disappointed, but you should also be proud the system works. Not throwing a tantrum like a 3 year old.

scottopic

4 years ago

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beeeej

4 years ago

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...and 3 more comments... from Anonymous, letsgetlost89, raistlinbrown Expand

Anonymous

November 10 2008, 09:25:26 UTC 4 years ago

I know this post is mostly about the prop 8 scandal, but during the primaries I was making a lovely drink called the "democrtic debate" or the "barack'n'hilary" which was a black and tan made with hoegaarden and guinness. It's delicious and topical :) Now that it's over we just call it the bumblebee.

Anonymous

November 10 2008, 18:29:45 UTC 4 years ago

"Hoe"gaarden......heh heh.

Anonymous

November 10 2008, 15:44:50 UTC 4 years ago

blame Obama

I'm kind of amazed that readers here don't seem to understand why Prop. 8 passed. Don't blame the Mormons--of course they voted against it! How could you expect otherwise? You might as well blame a fish for swimming.

The reason Prop 8 passed is not that it was supported by its natural constituency (religious conservatives), the reason it passed was that it was implicitly supported by Barack Obama, and African-Americans, who turned out in record numbers for this election, voted overwhelmingly (70-30!) in favor of it.

As Slate magazine reported, "According to exit polls, Obama's African-American supporters helped put Proposition 8 over the top. That's the irony of Obama's victory: Had black turnout matched levels of previous elections, the vote on the gay-marriage ban—which trailed in the polls for much of the summer—would have been much closer. It might even have failed."

How's that Change You Can Believe In crap working out for you now? Sounds like the same old same old to me.

Anonymous

November 10 2008, 16:37:35 UTC 4 years ago

Re: blame Obama

http://network.nationalpost.com/np/blogs/fullcomment/archive/2008/11/09/colby-cosh-minorities-at-war-on-obamaland-s-western-shore.aspx

"...the horrible truth is that the traditionalist churches needed help to pass Proposition 8—and that help came from black voters brought to the polls by Barack Obama. The measure lost outright among white and Asian voters; it won by more than two to one amongst blacks, who mostly belong to deeply conservative evangelical churches and who turned out on Nov. 4 in unprecedented numbers.... Sen. Obama didn't improve matters by taking a relatively gutless stance on the gay-marriage issue; although he opposed Prop. 8, his personal opposition to gay marriage on Christian principles gave pro-8 campaigners sound bites to play in robo-calls to black-dominated California zip codes."

Anonymous

4 years ago

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Anonymous

November 10 2008, 20:52:33 UTC 4 years ago

Yawn

Politics and gay marriage rights. Your blog is less enjoyable the more politcal you get.

-Former reader

raistlinbrown

November 11 2008, 01:07:48 UTC 4 years ago

Re: Yawn

Former reader>> Good riddance to you. She wrote about politics within the context of bar adventures, and she has always been generous enough to grace us with tales of her personal life, which in this case has plenty of relevance with respect to the issue of same-sex marriage.

Debra, I'm sure you have the good sense to do so, but please ignore this jackass. Sorry if I'm getting too riled up in your comments section again. :- )

e_e_nygma

November 10 2008, 21:44:20 UTC 4 years ago

Looks like you created your own Spayed Gerbil.

floramel

November 11 2008, 17:34:25 UTC 4 years ago

if you'll allow me to comment on the comments

I love how the people who say loving supportive things, often use their own ID but the people who have nothing better to do then give you or the other commenters shit for doing nothing more then sticking up for what they believe in cop out by hiding behind the anonymous option.

Anonymous

4 years ago

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Anonymous

4 years ago

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Anonymous

4 years ago

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e_e_nygma

4 years ago

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